It's "Tomorrow"

Ok. It's 1:11 am. I have been cleaning, packing, showering, organizing & going over things in my head all day long. I am not going to sleep tonight because at 4:00 am (less than 3 hours away) I will have to leave my house to go pick up Robyn then we will drive to my mom's where my step-dad, Richard, will drive us to the airport. I am mostly packed. But since "mostly" isn't "completely," I am obviously not finished. I must pack more still, and double check that I haven't left any important paperwork or items of clothing *gasp* behind. So since this Epstein-Barr/Chronic Fatigue-riddled body of mine needs exhorbitant amounts of sleep, I am not going to try to sleep for a mere 2 or 3 hours and then attempt to wake up. I'll try my luck sleeping on the plane next to 2 of my 3 mothers. (Love you, Lynne!) I should sleep soundly.

My blog has had more hits than it ever has, I think. Many people have heard of my story and have shown interest, some even helping in their own ways. I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for supporting me in this endeavor to reclaim guardianship of the loves of my life - my 5 kids. I COULD NOT do any of this without the love, support and prayers of those of you who know my story and what's going on. Some of you I don't even know. But believe me, along with my prayers for my children, I also pray in thanks for the many people who support me. I will never be able to repay any of you for what you have done for my family, but please know that I am eternally grateful.

Never in my life have I ever had to fight so hard, but I have never been as strong and smart as I am today. I cannot regret the decision that was made to send my kids to New Hampshire for a short time while I tried to appropriately arrange my life. What started out as a temporary thing ended up going haywire, ugly truths were revealed and major, life-changing decisions were made. The time has now come, I believe, for my children to return to my home - to their home. I do not know the outcome of this but I do want everyone to know that whether I bring them back or not, I will recognize the Lord's hand in every aspect of it. I will fight harder - harder than I've ever fought for anything - to get these kids returned to me. But if it is not the Lord's will for them to return with me at this time, I will still thank Him at the end of the day and start again, asking Him for guidance and for the understanding of what is and what will ultimately be.

Well, blogger audience, it is now 1:29 am. I am off to pack some more. Until the next installment, may the Schwartz be with you - I'll blog when something interesting happens. Or maybe if nothing happens at all...

To my Shannon Kaye, Joshua Wayne, Cassidy Mae, Nathan Alden & Brenna Marie:

I am on my way! In less than 17 hours I will see your smiling faces! I can't even believe it! I CANNOT WAIT!!!

Tomorrow's almost here...

So I'm writing this as I should be cleaning, packing, studying, or anything other than what I'm doing. I just can't believe I'm going to see my kids tomorrow! Minus the visit back in August for one hour with Brenna, I haven't seen them for 15 months - since March 25, 2008. I can't wait! I hear Shannon's as tall as me now, and her shoe size is way bigger than mine. Josh is doing very well in school, Cassie only has 10 months to go til she's baptized, Nate is ready for Kindergarten & Brenna has changed the most, since she's the youngest. Since they've left, Shannon's gotten a perm, Brenna's gotten a 'bob' haircut, all 3 of the girls have gotten their ears pierced. I wonder how tall Josh is now... He's 11!

So Robyn Jackson, my mom and I all fly out at 7:11 tomorrow morning. We'll land in Burlington, VT and travel south to go directly to see the kids for an hour. Then we'll go to the cute little Country Squire Motel in Littleton, NH, where Lori and I stayed before. Then I have the DCYF hearing on Wednesday at 10:00 am and then the Haverhill Family Court hearing in an attempt to "Terminate Guardianship."

I am doing my best and praying it'll all go as I'd like, but not holding my breath because I don't want the disappointment should it not happen the way I (and everyone else in the real world) believe it should.

Hopefully I can take pictures and post them here also. Keep checking in!

To my children...

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Happy Birthday, CASSIDY!!!

Here are some really fun pictures of my middle baby, Cassie. She has the sweetest spirit and is also my spunky girl. I love you tons, Cassie, and I miss you so much! Have a great birthday, beautiful baby! Love, Mom

Grandma Susan's New Doggie Sami

So since Grandma's old puppy Auggie died last week, she got another one yesterday. She looks a lot like Auggie but I think she's cuter! They named her Sami and she's younger and more playful! Here she is!

Sister Carol Lemon

Shan, Josh, Cass, Nate, Brenna - as I was at church today, Sister Lemon came up to me and told me she had put an old picture in her purse today. She pulled it out and then kinda took it back and said it'd probably make me cry, but then handed it over to me. It was this picture of all you kids (and me) at her house when you were practicing to sing a song. Do you remember? Well this was taken at Christmas-time in 2006. Look how young you all are!

Anyway, I didn't cry just then, but during Sunday School I did. I miss you guys! And Sister Lemon misses you too! She told me how much she misses you kids and wishes you were here. She has been undergoing chemotherapy for a while now but is getting better. She wears a scarf and a hat on her head every time I see her. She is a little weak and has trouble with being either really cold or really hot, but other than that she is doing well. She is such a sweetheart!

Lily is starting Activity Days this Wednesday and Sister Lemon is in charge of it now just like she used to be. It will be fun!

I LOVE YOU ALL - and I miss you tons!

I'm getting off the computer right now to CALL YOU!!!

Love,
Mom

Puppy Wuppy!

Daisy either sleeps under the covers in the crook of my legs or here - under my chin & arms. Lori caught this picture as she was just waking up a bit, and then she promptly went back to sleep. She definitely is a spaz dog but so cuddly and snuggly!