It's "Tomorrow"

Ok. It's 1:11 am. I have been cleaning, packing, showering, organizing & going over things in my head all day long. I am not going to sleep tonight because at 4:00 am (less than 3 hours away) I will have to leave my house to go pick up Robyn then we will drive to my mom's where my step-dad, Richard, will drive us to the airport. I am mostly packed. But since "mostly" isn't "completely," I am obviously not finished. I must pack more still, and double check that I haven't left any important paperwork or items of clothing *gasp* behind. So since this Epstein-Barr/Chronic Fatigue-riddled body of mine needs exhorbitant amounts of sleep, I am not going to try to sleep for a mere 2 or 3 hours and then attempt to wake up. I'll try my luck sleeping on the plane next to 2 of my 3 mothers. (Love you, Lynne!) I should sleep soundly.

My blog has had more hits than it ever has, I think. Many people have heard of my story and have shown interest, some even helping in their own ways. I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for supporting me in this endeavor to reclaim guardianship of the loves of my life - my 5 kids. I COULD NOT do any of this without the love, support and prayers of those of you who know my story and what's going on. Some of you I don't even know. But believe me, along with my prayers for my children, I also pray in thanks for the many people who support me. I will never be able to repay any of you for what you have done for my family, but please know that I am eternally grateful.

Never in my life have I ever had to fight so hard, but I have never been as strong and smart as I am today. I cannot regret the decision that was made to send my kids to New Hampshire for a short time while I tried to appropriately arrange my life. What started out as a temporary thing ended up going haywire, ugly truths were revealed and major, life-changing decisions were made. The time has now come, I believe, for my children to return to my home - to their home. I do not know the outcome of this but I do want everyone to know that whether I bring them back or not, I will recognize the Lord's hand in every aspect of it. I will fight harder - harder than I've ever fought for anything - to get these kids returned to me. But if it is not the Lord's will for them to return with me at this time, I will still thank Him at the end of the day and start again, asking Him for guidance and for the understanding of what is and what will ultimately be.

Well, blogger audience, it is now 1:29 am. I am off to pack some more. Until the next installment, may the Schwartz be with you - I'll blog when something interesting happens. Or maybe if nothing happens at all...

To my Shannon Kaye, Joshua Wayne, Cassidy Mae, Nathan Alden & Brenna Marie:

I am on my way! In less than 17 hours I will see your smiling faces! I can't even believe it! I CANNOT WAIT!!!

Tomorrow's almost here...

So I'm writing this as I should be cleaning, packing, studying, or anything other than what I'm doing. I just can't believe I'm going to see my kids tomorrow! Minus the visit back in August for one hour with Brenna, I haven't seen them for 15 months - since March 25, 2008. I can't wait! I hear Shannon's as tall as me now, and her shoe size is way bigger than mine. Josh is doing very well in school, Cassie only has 10 months to go til she's baptized, Nate is ready for Kindergarten & Brenna has changed the most, since she's the youngest. Since they've left, Shannon's gotten a perm, Brenna's gotten a 'bob' haircut, all 3 of the girls have gotten their ears pierced. I wonder how tall Josh is now... He's 11!

So Robyn Jackson, my mom and I all fly out at 7:11 tomorrow morning. We'll land in Burlington, VT and travel south to go directly to see the kids for an hour. Then we'll go to the cute little Country Squire Motel in Littleton, NH, where Lori and I stayed before. Then I have the DCYF hearing on Wednesday at 10:00 am and then the Haverhill Family Court hearing in an attempt to "Terminate Guardianship."

I am doing my best and praying it'll all go as I'd like, but not holding my breath because I don't want the disappointment should it not happen the way I (and everyone else in the real world) believe it should.

Hopefully I can take pictures and post them here also. Keep checking in!